she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
