seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
