i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
He literally asked permission to hit on me
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
