you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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