saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Randomize
