she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
