I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize
