I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize
