Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
