Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
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