the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize