I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
