My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
