Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Randomize
