Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
