Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
