If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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