My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
