its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Girls should come with a carfax report
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
