he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
