Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
