Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
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