My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
