So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
