Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
My feet surprised me
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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