I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
