he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
