Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
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