I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
