we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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