apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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