Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
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