Are we in a gay sports bar?
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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