I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
