hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize