hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
