just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
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