Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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