what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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