Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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