i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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