I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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