He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
