(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
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