i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
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