Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
I cannot find my penis.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Randomize
