nut hugger
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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