He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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