Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
