Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
