it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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