i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
