I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
