so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
