I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
