Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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