You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Randomize
