Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize