In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
