sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
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