too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
