where am i from again
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
