you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
