I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
