so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
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