Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
