hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
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