If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Randomize
